You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
