I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
