i don't plan on having that self control this summer
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
