i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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