you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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