I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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