Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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