i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
