ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
