So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
