Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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