FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
