I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
