I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
