i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
