Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
