She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
