yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
