turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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