Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
