Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
