just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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