This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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