remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
