dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
