im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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