There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
