She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
