I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I FOUND THE LEGS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
