I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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