For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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