I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
