My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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