oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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