Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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