I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
