Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
