i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
