hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
