I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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