just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
