have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
