A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
