When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
