im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
