so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
