You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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