I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
