im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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