I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
