Please, let me fuck your mom
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
